Too soon

So this weekend was pretty hard. A boy from my school died Friday morning in a skiing accident. We weren't great friends, but I knew him well enough for it to hit home and let it get to me. His name happens to be James like my ex boyfriend and it just made me so scared.

Friday was a half day at my school and when I got home I slept for a few hours and then woke up when my cousin called me. I was on Facebook while I was talking to him and about an hour into our conversation someones status said "So-and-so is RIP James". I got sooo worried that it was my James and I started sweating and was practically near tears on the phone with my cousin. I told him to hang on because I needed to text my-James to see if he was okay. I just said "I know we aren't talking, but some people were saying RIP James...I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

About 10 minutes later I still had no response from him and I was completely freaking out. I finally messaged a friend of mine via Facebook and asked which James had died. He told me it was a different James and instead of feeling any better I completely lost it.

Last year, the James that died, was in every single one of my classes. We were in-school friends and I often helped him by giving him the answers to certain things (yes, I helped him cheat). He was such a charming kid. He was one of those people who could make you feel like you were his best friend just by having a 5 minute conversation with him. He was also one of the most good looking people I have ever seen. His big blue eyes could melt your heart in a second and his smile could light up a room.

I feel so bad for his family and friends, I could never imagine going through something like that. I really wish I had gotten to know him better. He was an amazing person. Like I mentioned before, he died skiing. At least he died doing something he loved. The school, churches, youth groups, and summer camps he attended will never be the same. The community as a whole will never be the same.

He had a great talent in acting. He was in every school play and at the local community theater. I most likely will not attend his funeral because I would just be taking the spot of someone who knew him more and cared for him more. I think it should be the people closet to him. I just thought I would pay my respects for him here. I know he would be proud either way.

It will be so weird going to school everyday and not seeing him a few lockers down from me. It will be hard to watch the school plays and not see him up on stage. It will be weird to go to my high school reunion and not have him there to relive old times.

I'll never forget the short amount of time that I knew him and got to spend with him. He helped me so much last year with my break up by just making me laugh on a daily basis.

RIP James, you'll never be gone because you will be in our hearts forever.
We'll never forget you or your smile.