Like I mentioned before, the last year and a half have been pretty crappy. Nothing that bad really happened I guess...but it's just that I don't really know how to deal with them. It feels like no one really cares about me anymore. I'm never first for anyone, ya know? It's like I'm not their best friend, I'm their second best friend. I guess I sort of had a break down last night when my Macey called me and asked if I could get together today, and then text messaged me 5 minutes later saying that she had to do something in the morning and wanted to get together later. That's fine with me, but tomorrow I have school and my mom won't let me stay out until 9. So once again, I'm left in the dust. I mean, it's kinda hard when your best friend can barely make time for you (Macey), you're mom it too concerned with her wedding to think about whether or not you're happy, and the person that once meant everything to you now thinks nothing of you (James). I don't have anyone I can cry to anymore, no one that will tell me I'm not crazy and will just be there to support me. If life was a giant Myspace top friends, I wouldn't be first on anyones.
Okay, now that I'm done doing whatever that was...I guess I'll pick up with last weekend.
In the beginning of the school year a friend, Tori, and I were talking just about how things have been going. I mentioned that my dad recently moved into a new neighborhood and it sucks because I don't know anyone there. She asked me the name of it, and when I told her she mentioned that she knew a kid, Cameron, that lived there. Tori said that they had dated for a sort time before whatever happened and they broke up. I found Cameron on Myspace that same day, and gosh he was gorgeous. Shaggy blond hair, pretty blue eye, tall (even though it isn't hard to be taller than me since I'm so short) and he wasn't hugely built, but he had lean muscle. We started talking on Myspace, and then moved on to AOL Instant Messenger and then later we started to text message. He wasn't incredibly nice, but he was nice enough. The first time we talked it was all about hooking up. I guess he wanted someone to hook up with and I wanted to make James jealous. Well, James never found out about him but Tori did and she got jealous. Once she started to show some disapproval with the whole thing, I stopped talking to Cameron. And with that we kind of ended on a bad note.
Fast forward to Thursday the 7th. Cameron out of the blue instant messages me with a compliment and we started chatting again. This time it was different and better and nicer and perfect. He called me beautiful and made good conversation and said cute things. We continued to text message 24 hours a day for the next few days. Thankfully I was with my dad that weekend, meaning we could met each other in person for the first time. We were supposed to get together Saturday but he had to cancel to go meet his recruiting officer (Cameron is 17 and joining the marines when he turns 18). So I was pretty bummed when he told me he couldn't hang out. I woke up Sunday morning pretty early, around 8:30 and couldn't sleep anymore. Cameron happens to work at the local Dunkin Donuts and I told him I would stop by during his break.
So I walked, in arctic winds I might add, down to the Dunkin Donuts just in time to get a hot chocolate and sit down with Cameron for his break. Keep in mind, I don't take make up to my dads so I was the makeup less wonder that morning. We sat there and talked for a half hour before he had to leave, and he told me he would call me as soon as he got off from work. So, 3 o'clock rolls around and Cameron text messages me to tell me that he's grabbing a quick shower and to meet him at the Wawa at 3:30. I made up a quick excuse about wanting to grab something from Wawa before I left to go home and said Bye to my dad.
I got to Wawa before Cameron and must have spent 5 minutes staring at the same Vitamin Water. I finally got a text from him telling me he was in the store and I went to find him. We decided to go for a walk, since both of our houses were off limits. We went down to the baseball field to sit and talk. It was nice just walking with him and even better just being with him. He sat down on the bench one the field while I decide to take a scene out the Notebook and pretended I was a bird.
We ended up sitting on a bench in the freezing cold, and he put his arm around me. Then he kissed me. And it was sweet and perfect and everything that I've always wanted. Then, my dad called me and it was time to leave.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I stopped writing there, and then picked up again here. See how things change?
We kept in touch, but things got rocky. He kept asking me to send him nude pictures, and there is not way in hell that I was doing that. I've known too many people who had that back fire on them and wasn't about to do it myself. He continued to ask me and I finally went off on him about how I wasn't just a piece of ass, and that I actually liked him.
He met my dad this weekend. I invited him over to my dads house to hang out and all that stuff. My dad literally watched us like a hawk, he never left the room once. Cameron text messaged me from the other side of the room "Walk? Wawa?" So I asked my dad for money and went to "walk to Wawa". We actually ended up going into a patch of woods. So we hiked up this little mountain thing (I totally didn't sign up for this) and found a semi-dry long thing to sit on. We started making out, but honestly, nothing more. Then, he asked me to go below the belt. I said no. He asked again. Another no. Then he decides to ask for a blow job? Does this kid not know what the word no means?
Thank god my dad called wondering where we were and I practically ran back to the house, said goodbye and shook it off.
Here's my though process:
1. I've never actually given a guy a blow job...10th grade, HELLO!
2. I'm not giving a guy I barely know a blow job
3. I'm not doing in some dirty Philadelphia neighborhood "woodland"
4. I'd rather not waste my first BJ. Sorry.
Any way, Cameron told me he would text me later, which he did. Before he went to bed he told me he would text me tomorrow in the morning. He never actually text messaged today, I had to start the conversation.
Me: Way to text me all day!
Cam: I was waiting to see if you would text me first.
Me: Mhmm, sure.
Cam: I was!
Me: Sureeee.
Then a half hour or so goes by and I haven't heard from him. So at this point I'm feeling kind of hurt and used. It just seems like he can't take no for an answer and all he wants are things I'm really not ready to do at this point. Continuing...
Me: So what, I wouldn't go down on you and now you're not talking to me?
Cam: No
(Great answer by the way, really defending yourself)
Me: Ha, that's not complete bull.
Cam: No I just don't talk to you for a day and you decide I'm an asshole.
I haven't said anything back yet, and that was like three hours ago. I know I did attack him, but I don't let people treat me like crap and if they're gonna do something that upsets me I'm gonna tell them.
So, I went from butt crazy over Cameron back to completely confused again. I even text messaged my ex a couple minutes ago "God James, I miss you... sometimes I wish we could just go back"
And here I thought I was over him....
GOSH.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Starting Over
Before we even start, yes this is the writer of Cassy's Life, if you have a problem with me, please say what you would like. It won't bother me. We all know that I've done this before, and they've all failed pretty miserably. This time it's going to be different. I'm not going to post links anywhere to get the hype up for this blog. There aren't going to be any fake story lines or promises of how often I'm going to post. I could post more than once a day, or it could go weeks without a post. I'm not going to let anyone else control what goes on with this blog either. It's going to be all me and what I want. You guys can post as many rude comments as you want, but this is going to be my outlet for my real life. What's important is that this is up to me. Everything on here is going to be true (except names of course). I've learned from my other blogging experiences that trying to produce a fake story line is a lot harder then it seems.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's the truth. I'm Callie, and yes, I've had three other blogs before. I'm a sophomore in high school, so if you're not looking for a blog that's going to be somewhat childish, move on. I live in a suburb of Philadelphia. Everyone I go to school with has money, and tons of it. I, on the other hand am just middle class. Don't get me wrong, I have nice things, but I can live without Coach purses and all of my clothes costing $75 a piece. I'm tired of all of the fake people I deal with all the time, but at the same time, I can be pretty fake myself. WARNING: I can be pretty harsh sometimes, it's just me. Don't get upset if I say something mean about someone else, this blog is about me. If you choose to read it, be my guest I'm inviting you into my life. I don't think I'm attractive, but I also don't think I'm unattractive. Average, that's how I would describe myself. I'm pretty short, only about 5'2'' and I'm around 110 pounds, you do the math. I have the pretty standard long brown hair and brown eyes. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom, even though I would much rather live with my dad. My mom is getting remarried in August, and all in all I'm not too thrilled about that. They haven't been together for more than a year and he's been living with us for at least the last 6 months. The last few months, I admit I've become sort of depressed and haven't really told anyone. Right now my mom is too wrapped up in her wedding to think about my feelings, and I guess I would rather see her happy then tell her how I feel about him. Don't get me wrong, her boyfriend isn't a bad guy and he doesn't do anything to disrespect me, but for the past 11 years it's just be my mom and I. I guess I kind of just feel like she isn't thinking about what I want anymore.
I'm gonna set up a quick character chart real quick so we can get everyone out of the way first, just in case anyone actually does read this.
These are only the main characters that should come up the most, there will be others.
Callie- that's me, obviously
Lara- my mom, I probably won't use her name too much though
Jerry- my dad, he's my rock
Hal- My mom's boyfriend that lives with us
Macey- My bestfriend
Lisa- Macey's older sister who I'm also friends with
Heather- Another one of my close friends, we've grown apart recently
Kaitlin- A close friend of mine
Ann- An ex-friend of mine. Even though we aren't friends she'll probably come up a lot in here
James- My ex-boyfried. Enough said
Cameron- A pretty new person in my life, he's a boy that I could see myself liking, maybe
Now, I'm going to start with a the last year and a half or so just to get a base so things start to make sense.
It all starts with James and I dating. We were great together, honestly. We dated for about 8 months when he broke up with me. He claims we grew apart and I claim that he had a little crush on the new girl in school. Either way, I was crushed when we broke up. About a month or so later (when we all found out the new girl was moving to Georgia), James decided he wanted to give us another go...hmmm. BUT his mom decided that we needed to wait a year before we got back together. It was hard, and it was stupid but I waited for him. Our one year of being apart came in September. And of course, we didn't get back together (shocker!). Recently he decided too hookup with a girl at school, and she's a bit of a slut not trying to be mean. He decided a blow job would be nice and that he should still try to flirt with me. I'm really working right now to get over him. Maybe if I write about how he treats me and then read it I'll be able to get over him. Backtracking a little, when James and I were dating I lost all contact with my friends. Yeah, we were one of THOSE couples. After we broke up, I become sort of a hermit for a little bit. That's when Macey and I started to get closer. We had always been friends, but it was nothing special. Now, we're best friends. So, 9th grade comes and goes. I spend the entire year trying to get my ex-boyfriend back and regaining some of the bonds that I lost while we were dating.
The summer between 9th and 10th grade was okay. Nothing to special. I met some new people and made some new friends, but at the same time the bonds with some were breaking (*coughAnncough*). I had never really liked her. She had always been one of those people that was never the greatest friend in the world. She lied a lot and always broke me down. In 9th grade alone she cut a ton of classes, failing a couple classes, and faked her report card so her parent's wouldn't ground her. By the way, I'm a pretty good kid: straight A's, I don't drink or do drugs etc. Finally there was an incident with my mom and Ann lying and I decided to end our friendship. I had started to hate her as a person and decided that I didn't need someone like her around me. Well, she wouldn't leave me alone. It finally ended in a big "brawl" with getting parents involved and we all thought it was over. She continued to ride the same bus as I did (that she was not assigned to) and harassed me in the process. The school got involved and hopefully things will end. Another problem with Ann is that she and Heather are best friends. They have been since 3rd grade. Even though Heather isn't involved, she's chosen sides and it obviously isn't mine.
My mom met Hal around this time last year, actually I think it was closer to April though. He lived in New York at the time so he was always spending the weekends with us. She had always criticized her friends for moving too quickly with men and here she was doing the exact same thing. He moved into our house in July. He also didn't have a job and was home everyday with me. It was a huge change in he household and I had almost no say in it. They're now getting married in August and money has never been tighter. I'm going to be completely forgotten this summer. My birthday is in June and now I can't do anything for it because of the wedding (mind you I'm turn 16 so this a pretty big year) and there's not going to be a family vacation, just their honeymoon. I guess I'm a little bit bitter because I feel like I'm being forgotten. An example, I don't eat red meat and that's all Heath wants to eat, so that's a main course in every. It's like my needs have been forgotten to make sure he gets everything he wants. I can't have a conversation about anything with my mom without his name coming up. I know I should say something to my mom, but she's never been this happy. But on the other hand, I've never been so depressed.
Those are pretty much the three big things that shape me right about now. I'll get into more recent things later.
P.S. If you read, most posts won't be this long. This is just a starting off thing.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's the truth. I'm Callie, and yes, I've had three other blogs before. I'm a sophomore in high school, so if you're not looking for a blog that's going to be somewhat childish, move on. I live in a suburb of Philadelphia. Everyone I go to school with has money, and tons of it. I, on the other hand am just middle class. Don't get me wrong, I have nice things, but I can live without Coach purses and all of my clothes costing $75 a piece. I'm tired of all of the fake people I deal with all the time, but at the same time, I can be pretty fake myself. WARNING: I can be pretty harsh sometimes, it's just me. Don't get upset if I say something mean about someone else, this blog is about me. If you choose to read it, be my guest I'm inviting you into my life. I don't think I'm attractive, but I also don't think I'm unattractive. Average, that's how I would describe myself. I'm pretty short, only about 5'2'' and I'm around 110 pounds, you do the math. I have the pretty standard long brown hair and brown eyes. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom, even though I would much rather live with my dad. My mom is getting remarried in August, and all in all I'm not too thrilled about that. They haven't been together for more than a year and he's been living with us for at least the last 6 months. The last few months, I admit I've become sort of depressed and haven't really told anyone. Right now my mom is too wrapped up in her wedding to think about my feelings, and I guess I would rather see her happy then tell her how I feel about him. Don't get me wrong, her boyfriend isn't a bad guy and he doesn't do anything to disrespect me, but for the past 11 years it's just be my mom and I. I guess I kind of just feel like she isn't thinking about what I want anymore.
I'm gonna set up a quick character chart real quick so we can get everyone out of the way first, just in case anyone actually does read this.
These are only the main characters that should come up the most, there will be others.
Callie- that's me, obviously
Lara- my mom, I probably won't use her name too much though
Jerry- my dad, he's my rock
Hal- My mom's boyfriend that lives with us
Macey- My bestfriend
Lisa- Macey's older sister who I'm also friends with
Heather- Another one of my close friends, we've grown apart recently
Kaitlin- A close friend of mine
Ann- An ex-friend of mine. Even though we aren't friends she'll probably come up a lot in here
James- My ex-boyfried. Enough said
Cameron- A pretty new person in my life, he's a boy that I could see myself liking, maybe
Now, I'm going to start with a the last year and a half or so just to get a base so things start to make sense.
It all starts with James and I dating. We were great together, honestly. We dated for about 8 months when he broke up with me. He claims we grew apart and I claim that he had a little crush on the new girl in school. Either way, I was crushed when we broke up. About a month or so later (when we all found out the new girl was moving to Georgia), James decided he wanted to give us another go...hmmm. BUT his mom decided that we needed to wait a year before we got back together. It was hard, and it was stupid but I waited for him. Our one year of being apart came in September. And of course, we didn't get back together (shocker!). Recently he decided too hookup with a girl at school, and she's a bit of a slut not trying to be mean. He decided a blow job would be nice and that he should still try to flirt with me. I'm really working right now to get over him. Maybe if I write about how he treats me and then read it I'll be able to get over him. Backtracking a little, when James and I were dating I lost all contact with my friends. Yeah, we were one of THOSE couples. After we broke up, I become sort of a hermit for a little bit. That's when Macey and I started to get closer. We had always been friends, but it was nothing special. Now, we're best friends. So, 9th grade comes and goes. I spend the entire year trying to get my ex-boyfriend back and regaining some of the bonds that I lost while we were dating.
The summer between 9th and 10th grade was okay. Nothing to special. I met some new people and made some new friends, but at the same time the bonds with some were breaking (*coughAnncough*). I had never really liked her. She had always been one of those people that was never the greatest friend in the world. She lied a lot and always broke me down. In 9th grade alone she cut a ton of classes, failing a couple classes, and faked her report card so her parent's wouldn't ground her. By the way, I'm a pretty good kid: straight A's, I don't drink or do drugs etc. Finally there was an incident with my mom and Ann lying and I decided to end our friendship. I had started to hate her as a person and decided that I didn't need someone like her around me. Well, she wouldn't leave me alone. It finally ended in a big "brawl" with getting parents involved and we all thought it was over. She continued to ride the same bus as I did (that she was not assigned to) and harassed me in the process. The school got involved and hopefully things will end. Another problem with Ann is that she and Heather are best friends. They have been since 3rd grade. Even though Heather isn't involved, she's chosen sides and it obviously isn't mine.
My mom met Hal around this time last year, actually I think it was closer to April though. He lived in New York at the time so he was always spending the weekends with us. She had always criticized her friends for moving too quickly with men and here she was doing the exact same thing. He moved into our house in July. He also didn't have a job and was home everyday with me. It was a huge change in he household and I had almost no say in it. They're now getting married in August and money has never been tighter. I'm going to be completely forgotten this summer. My birthday is in June and now I can't do anything for it because of the wedding (mind you I'm turn 16 so this a pretty big year) and there's not going to be a family vacation, just their honeymoon. I guess I'm a little bit bitter because I feel like I'm being forgotten. An example, I don't eat red meat and that's all Heath wants to eat, so that's a main course in every. It's like my needs have been forgotten to make sure he gets everything he wants. I can't have a conversation about anything with my mom without his name coming up. I know I should say something to my mom, but she's never been this happy. But on the other hand, I've never been so depressed.
Those are pretty much the three big things that shape me right about now. I'll get into more recent things later.
P.S. If you read, most posts won't be this long. This is just a starting off thing.
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